Pinoy Celebrity Urban Legends

8 01 2008
PINOY
CELEBRITY
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Here are six incredible and even preposterous urban legends on local celebrities:

1. Snake CharmerFirst heard: Late ’80s.The lowdown: Robina Gokongwei has a twin, a giant serpent, whose secret lair is located beneath Robinson’s Galleria. When it’s time to feed the snake, a trapdoor opens in one of the Galleria’s fitting rooms, sending one unlucky shopper down through a maze of pipes and into the snake-pit. One day, Alice Dixon was in the wrong fitting room at the wrong time. Lucky for her, the serpent fell in love with her and decided to let her go.Truth factor: As likely as Alice resurrecting her career.

2. Lightbulb MomentFirst heard: Late ’80s.The lowdown: Richard Gomez is Jaime Zobel de Ayala’s paid lover. In the course of one intercourse, Zobel shoved a light-bulb up Goma’s rectum because he’s that kinky. Unfortunately, the glass broke and poor Goma had to be rushed to the emergency room.Truth factor: C’mon. Zobel, with all his riches, can afford to buy a titanium dildo. You actually think he’d use some cheap store-bought bulb?

3. The Elevator IncidentFirst heard: Early-to-mid ’00s.The lowdown: Ting. Elevator door opens. In walks Gretchen Baretto, also known to her family as Satan, and her entourage of yayas and bodyguards. Another woman enters the elevator right after her. Deeming the woman unfit to be sharing the same space as her (and her Bulgari jewels), La Gretta proclaimed, “please tell this woman to get off my elevator”, to which the woman retorted, “please tell this woman to get off my building.” It turns out that the woman is Mrs. Yuchencho, a member of the clan who owns RCBC plaza. Exit la Gretta.Truth factor: Smoke, fire, you know the cliche. Plus, she doesn’t really hide the fact that she’s an uber-bitch.

4. Miss Hooker WorldFirst heard: Mid ’90s.The lowdown: Ruffa Gutierrez may have lost the prized Miss World crown in 1993, but her exposure in that pageant helped turn her into a globe-trotting, world-class prostitute. With her mom as pimp, Ruffa snagged high-paying clients and eventually, settled down with Turkish mobster, Ylmaz Bektas.Truth factor: You know there’s a little truth to it when the source is your distinguished law professor.

5. Pinay Winona RyderFirst heard: Mid ’00s.The lowdown: Pretty, fair and demure Lucy Torres is a shoplifting freak. Her thievery has escalated to the point that she can’t shop without being followed by an assistant who pays for every item she’s lifted. A security camera at Rustan’s captured Lucy doing the Winona hand-trick and the footage found its way to the desk of Karen Davila. The Kapamilya station agreed not to air the video in exchange for unknown favors from Goma.Truth factor: There’s something quite off with Lucy. Maybe this is it?

6. Death in Dos PalmasFirst heard: 2002The lowdown: On March 29, 2002, at the Dos Palmas resort in Palawan, bedimpled matinee idol Rico Yan, now Saint Rico, died due to “cardiac arrest following a rupture of the pancreas.” Those in the know, however, claim that Rico overdosed with a cocktail of illegal drugs and that on the night of his death, Rico banged a hooker who was delivered and paid for by his dear friends, Dominic Ochoa and Jana Victoria.Truth factor: Isn’t it a little strange that they didn’t release his autopsy report? Hmm.

may lam ka pa?! share ka naman! hahaha! Ok?!


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